JFC and other useful euphemisms

This week has been one pain in the mufuckin ass. I hate computers and am surrounded by them. It's my job.

I guess that makes me an idiot.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I am feeling more and more inclined that it has nothing to do with computers.

You reading this? You know me? you got suggestions? I got 2 ears open wide like a recent manhole theft. 200lbs of missing insight just waiting to be recycled... again.

When I was a kid I wanted to work for NASA. When I was an adult I had an opportunity to do so, but I didn't want to move to the south. Again - idiot.

The best thing about my current state of employ is that it deals with the aging community. As long as people keep getting older and applying for assistance, I have work. SO what does that mean for you?

Don't go and suck off a shotgun, because I'm relying on you to age sufficiently to become not only a reader, but what I may consider to be job security.

No pressure.

blog time, no... see?

In an amusing and convenient coincidence of fate, I was reading a friend's blog which I hadn't visited in a while and noticed he had linked to me. Great.. I haven't been there for nearly a year. So I went to see what my last post had been and it was about bears.

We're here! We're Clear! We don't want anymore bears!

Just so happens that last night that bear officially returned from hibernation to re-molest my trash can. The problem is... the can's at my front door, and I would hate to just happen upon an 800lb bushel of hairy, hungry muscles.

I gotsta get me some more ammonia.

On the plus side (not talking about mu-mus) I blew my back out this weekend mulching my yard. Not a plus that my back's out, but the home looks pretty sweet.

That dog Bear that has been getting into our garbage

Isn't a dog at all. It's a bear and it's in our yard... again.

Yes, living in the woods here in Vermont can be quite an interesting episode of wild animal kingdom. Last night I was on the phone with my parents out in California, and amidst the excitement of speaking with long distance relatives up bumbles a big, black bear.

I ran to my camera... batteries dead. I grabbed my cell... too dark to get an image. I wailed, "Nooooooooo" shaking my fists at the sky. No one will ever believe me. What's worse is that I looked out this morning and it was back... or was it a different bear? Nonetheless, I had to do everything in my power to keep the dogs at bay. I joke a lot about how I'm not into dogs any more with a child and all, but I don't think I'd enjoy sopping up their poor, bludgeoned and mauled corpses.

Bears make me languid.

So what to do? Do I Google "natural bear repellents"? Do I storm the mayor's office chanting "we're here, we're clear, we don't want anymore bears"? I'm thinking ammonia. Nothing clears a hungry bear's sinuses like a blast of ammonia... I think.

What I wouldn't do for a group of bear-taming gypsies from the old country right about now. If you can call running a large brass ring through their noses and chaining them to a refurbished trolly car "taming". Maybe if I create a wind chime out of a bunch of old tambourines and castanets tied together with bandannas and strips of old tapestries, it will evoke a primal fear of nomadic circusfolk and make him leave on his own.

I don't want education, I just want my stuff

Yeah, go fuck yourself you self-righteous, "I have no time to learn for myself or my posterity" piece of self-indulgent, short-timer, do-it-for-me, no wonder there are so many abused souls in this world piece of corn in a hobo's feces BITCH!

I'm glad you're leaving.

Treo 650 - misery wrapped in a shiny shroud of suck

I recently encountered a Treo 650 the first time the other day, because its owner was experiencing issues and as the new IT guy, I was asked to "fix it". First off, if you go to the Treo site, you will not get any information on RCC Unicel. So it was off to the Unicel site. they offer 3rd party software to sync with Exchange Server, and it was a pain to install, so I figured they might have a FAQs page. No such luck. I examined the compact library of setup info, manuals and PDFs supplied by Unicel as to how to troubleshoot the issue (that they are learning as they go, too, so I'm again out of luck.)

The bad appl(ication) is called mail2go. It is supposed to sync automatically with a direct connection that Unicel has with our Exchange Server, but it won't. Instead it just sends a loud alarm to the end user every 5 minutes at maximum volume and drains the battery.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of great features that this phone provides provided you get your service through Verizon or Sprint or someone... just not Unicel. I've now spent 2 days on it and only can get partial rectification for the issue. It will manually sync, but it wont automatically sync and the unit isn't sending the error message to exchange's event logs. How the F*** am I supposed to troubleshoot that?

The image that comes to my head is the destruction of a certain copier in the ever-so-popular and classic Office Space. I have the tune running through my head right now... Die motherf*cker, Die motherf*cker Die!

dr. def

After we already got back James Brown, Rick James (RIP), and Nelson Mandela, the list is close to complete with the release of Jack Kevorkian from prison. I'm trying to think of who might be in prison that I would rather see on the outside, and am drawing a blank. I can think of tons of people I would like to see disappear into "unofficial" camps run by the Bush committee, but I can't think of anyone who needs freeing.

Any ideas? Please pass this along and have people comment for data purposes. Oh wait, no-one reads this.

when you want to be the angel of death to save a life

Yet another tragic entry in the world of Texas today. A woman hanged herself and her 3 kids this weekend, but the 8 month old survived. These are the moments when I wish I was the angel of death so I could reverse the process. Can the angel of death undo it's work? I'm not sure, but if I was said angel, I'd be sure to backup so I could restore my work. I know... a tacky techie entry, but it's true. I would love to undo all the deaths involved to save the children, but also to see if I could talk with the angel of insanity to see if I could trade a few ounces of prevention for numerous pounds of cure and get the 23 year old mother some help.
I used to be more cynical, but I remember the amazement that my 8 month old daughter instilled in me and am now all soft and shit. *sorry to use an expletive, but it's a phrase I'm finding hard to shake from my vernacular*
I'm sure the neighbors who used to enjoy watching the children play on their porch are all wondering whether or not there was anything they could have done differently to lend a helping hand to the woman. They're going to feel a sick knot in their stomachs as a new family moves into the house and their children play on that porch. Will the neighbors tell them what happened? Will they welcome these new neighbors more eagerly than they welcomed the last? Or will they just look across the street, wave, and think somberly of what horrors took place and quietly bow their heads in distress?